Random bullshit.

So a little about what I am going through (from a website):

Feeling like you're coming down with the flu lately? If you've recently discontinued an antidepressant you might actually be going through withdrawal. Many people who discontinue their antidepressant abruptly will experience what's called a "discontinuation syndrome". They may experience fatigue, nausea, myalgia, insomnia, anxiety, agitation, dizziness, hallucinations, blurred vision, irritability, tingling sensations, vivid dreams, sweating or electric shock sensations. Some will experience only minor symptoms and miss the connection with their antidepressant thinking that perhaps they have the flu. For others, the symptoms are so debilitating that they feel they cannot stop their antidepressant for fear of how it will interfere with their lives.

The best advice for those who are planning to discontinue their antidepressant is to seek their doctor's approval and advice. When you stop your antidepressant you not only run the risk of withdrawal, but also a possible return of your symptoms. If your doctor has given you the green light to stop, discuss how you should proceed in gradually decreasing your dosage. By gradually decreasing your dose over time you will allow your body time to slowly adjust as the medication leaves your body. It is recommended that you consult your doctor for a specific schedule for discontinuing your antidepressant.

And thats exactly what I am doing, my doctor knows and approves of what I am doing. All up it will take me about a month to get entirely off of them and could quite possibly experience the withdrawal forever (as many people still do) which is really disappointing.

It really makes me think whether going to Sydney was really worth it in the end because even to this day I am still dealing with it. Really its bullshit. Three years of antidepressants because of one wanker. Makes you realize that love isnt worth shit! Not worth the pain or the effort.

Talking about that one wanker, he is getting married. It is really frustrating to know that he is blissfully happy and still I am the one that is going through hell because of the things he did. How is this fair? I keep wondering about that over the last few days.

Also been thinking about my relationship with dreamboy. His mother doesnt know about Dan, Kyle keeps saying that when she finds out that it will be the end of our relationship. I think I have finally clicked that it means this relationship is going to go no where. That there will be no happy ending, cos the reality is she is going to find out. I dont live too far from them and its a matter of time til I run into her at the shops with Dan or Kyle accidentally slips up and says something. I really like kyle, he can be a great guy. But clearly isnt the guy for me. So what do I do? Do I just continue along because it is a lot of fun, or do I walk away? It is sad to think about, but it does need to be thought about. And I guess it should be discussed.

I am very paranoid at the moment, and find it very hard to go to sleep and if I wake up during the night, have a hard time going back to sleep. I have to close every door in the house to keep myself sane. Its really quite annoying!

Anyway I think I have said what I wanted to for now, Id expect that I will be on here quite a bit while I am going through these things.

Also its three weeks tomorrow that I have not been smoking!!!!