New Moon Countdown Official

Is a very lost sad person

At this point in time. I dont even know what to say or how to word it. But I know I need to talk about it.

Im so confused about what is actually going on. Im not sure if he is actually lying to me or not with the reason he broke up with me. Cos he said it was to sort out his life. And Im starting to think that it was a cop out. Just another one of his excuses. Like being drunk!

I am stuck at this certain point in my life right now. I left adelaide feeling the exact way I do and I have returned to the same feeling. I am so lost and confused. And I try to make it stop, but I cant change the way Im thinking. I cant even bring myself to even think about moving on. This isnt fair, this isnt what I wanted! I should of listened to myself the first time we nearly broke up because I was scared of getting hurt. Cos I feel like shit. I cant bring myself to do anything. I just want to see him and talk to him and I want things the way they were. It all happened so quickly. One day things were fine I was happy with the way things were going. And then that was it. I was given a few hours notice and that was it.

Two months on it still hurts as it did that night I got the message. And I cant deal with this any longer. I was made to believe that its a possibility that we'd get back together when he sorts out his life. But my constant depressed state is enough to turn anyone away. I cant help it. I want him back so bad and I cant control myself. And I dont want that, I want to be happy like before all this. I want to get back together or be told that its over forever. Because friends isnt good enough for me. I clearly cant move on thinking he's sorting out his life. I dont want to look at him anymore and remember the time we spent together and everything I miss and everything I want and long for.

Why cant this be easy? Why did I have to have such strong feelings? I feel like such an idiot, and I am just so frustrated cos I know its over but I dont want it to be, and I want to move on and I wanted it gone from my life cos it just hurts way to much. But I want to hold onto what little hope I have cos I am in love with a drunken arsehole and I cant change my way of thinking.