what I have learnt

Life isnt spose to be easy.

Each person has different walls and obstacles to face, and each person tackles these differently.
I dont believe that I was a very strong person, and I used to try and get around the walls and obstacles. But now I fight through them.

We all have ups and downs. And alot of the time you feel that nothing is right. We lose hope that we will never find happiness and never complete the goals we want to achieve. This brings us down and down. And then finally we feel that we are at the very bottom. Its at this stage in your life that you have to stop being stubborn and let people help you. If you dont then imagine what could happen. Where would I be now if I didnt let my family help me? Possibly dead cold and buried. Yes its dramatic and horrible but its the honest truth.

Ive been so low that I have turned to self harm and the only reason it never went further was because of my son. But I took a good look at my life and I thought about what I want over and over again. And the main thing I want is to be happy. Who cares about money, who cares about love, who cares about being beautiful. Yes they are good things but you dont need all those things. You dont need to be rich to be happy, you dont need to love another to feel loved yourself and you dont need to be beautiful on the outside because deep inside you are a very beautiful person and there is someone that sees that and knows you are a beautiful person.

You cant love another person until you love yourself. You will never be happy in a relationship or job until you are happy with the person you are.

No one is perfect and no one will ever be perfect. Theres always going to be a fault even if it is as small as a scar.

You will never succeed in life until you realise the person you are. And it will take alot of work to get there. Sometimes you need to get so low to give you that extra push. But no one else can do this for you, they can help but it is yourself that has to do the hard work.

Never ever take it out on other people. Your only low and depressed cos you let yourself get this way, and taking it out on the people you love and adore isnt going to help you feel any better, if anything it makes you worse.

You have to do what makes you happy, dont worry about everyone else and focus on yourself. If driving down a highway to no where in particular makes you happy go do it. Forget the price of petrol and do it. If skinny dipping makes you happy take your clothes off and go skinny dipping forget what people say, your doing it for yourself not anyone else..

Just dont go killing anyone lol Even if it would make you really happy lol cos rest assured you will not be happy in prison :D And always remember karma treat people how you want to be treated.

Sitting on your arse dwelling on how your life is, is not going to achieve anything is it? You have to take a stand! Go and do the things you want to do. If you are confused about what you want to do flip a coin and take a chance because you will never know if it will work until you try it.

Compliment someone and see how there face brightens and realise that you have made someones day with a few little words.

Remember that there is someone out there that loves you, you may not have met them, they may not have said it, they maybe right in front of you. But you will never know until you take a chance in your own life to realise how much of a special person you are and how much of a beautiful person you really are.

So get off your arse, get away from the tv or the computer and go have a look at what the world has to offer. Even if it means moving to the other side of the world! But remember people will dearly miss you.


-- Nic

PS no Im not on sleeping tablets for a change. Im high on life and what it has to offer me. And Ive realised what I want :D

PPS I was looking in the bestest blog of all and came across a blog that might help most of my readers. You can find it in the links sections ----> Over there.. Check it out its actually quite good.

*** breaking news*****

BUSH BISCUITS ARE BACK!!! Those of you that dont know what bush biscuits are in australia are either very young or very stoopid. My generation grew up on these biscuits. majority of my primary school years there was always two covered in butter and vegemite in my lunch box.
For some unknown reason these bisctuis disapeared. but now they are back! So of course I had to buy some :D and I will be heading back to foodland on tuesday to get some more!!!

Yesterday was somewhat busy. I really didnt have time to get bored at all. At about 10am I got a sms from ryan saying he would buy garys comp so I had to clean out all the shit in there and transfer photos and music to my mothers comp. Was suprised at how easy and quickly I did it. Can clearly thank kyle for teaching me these things. Next I will be dismantling and modifying lol maybe one day...

After ryan cam and picked up the computer I headed over to alchys to annoy him for a couple hours. And thanks to rommy I got a few hours peace from dan. Which is greatly appreciated at this point in time.

I was up at 2am this morning. Weird dreams about amm chat kept me awake lol and at one stage my mother walked in and walked out again lol and she doesnt know what she was doing.

Friday night I went to the villis meet with amm peeps and muffin man. We didnt stay long as I did have a curfew but on the way home I said to muffin man fuck it lets go to the beach :D so we went for a drive and it was good. We actually had a chat about past events in our lives and it was a good laugh. Its amazing how one person can change the way your life is heading. I wouldnt say its all him that has made me happy but it is a big help. Poor guy, prolly thinks Im nuts cos I like him so much.

Well time I head off as I have to get dressed for church and pack the car cos Im heading up to Bels for a bbq and prolly stay the night as long as she doesnt try to jump me :P

ciao

a little social butterfly

I feel like I havent been home at all lol

Ive been hanging out heaps with alchy, we went to u pull it and dismantled some commys :d was great fun lol

But its been great. Ive hardly sat at the comp until today. Where I have no moved except when I went to lay on the couch and fell asleep.

Been having wonderful chats to muffin man about his own life. Which is really fasinating lol but it has also made me listen to my own advice.

But still Im content with things, apart from dan lol

Did my tax today and Im getting back 2 grand which is fantastic cos I will pay off most of what I owe dad and jacky and I wanna keep 200 for myself to go clothes shopping which I havent done for quite some time and I need to update my wardrobe. Really sick of wearing the same pants over and over again. Time for a new look perhaps but prolly not. Guess I will stick to the usual colours, black, red and purple :D

Mum braided my hair. I like it. pity I can not do it myself lol even had to google how to do it for my mother. two and a half attempts later she was satisfied with it :D and muffin man said it looks good :D

Well time for bed. Not much to write about even though I have hardly been home but I am sure that we are all sick of usual no job no house no money thing :D

Nighty night dont let the bed bugs bite

the good old days

I was suddenly reminded of this day today.

Grandfinal day, who knows who was playing in the afl. cos I cant remember that.
We got absolutely smashed! Lisa threw up and spilt her drinks lol

After my little party we headed up to a party up near matts house. First thing that happend is we ran into the guy that I pashed the week before (so basically I cheated on matt) I avoided that guy like the plague lol we drank fruity lecksa or whatever you wanna call it lol. Anyway its a good memory thats for sure. lol

Muffin man has been talking about the one that got away.
Which brings me to the one that I LET get away. was prolly the most stupidist thing I had done. Lets add a pic :D

There he is.

awwwwwwwwww

anyway enough thinking about the past lol its time to look towards the future :D

mwa mwa mwa

Its times like these

That I feel like Im bashing my head against a brick wall.

For the last 2.5 hours my son has done nothing but whinge. Im starting to get a migraine because of it.

He doesnt listen, which is a male trait. But its getting to me. None of the super nannys techniques work at all.

Its really hard to control the anger inside, one day I will explode! It is very frustrating which makes me stressed! I guess thats mother hood for you.


ahhh scotch and coke. Brings back memories thats for sure....
It will prolly knock me out by 7pm cos I have had hardly any sleep because of dan waking me up many times during the night!

Anyway not much to report. same old same old....

Feelings

Lets all have a little chat about feelings.

Everyone has feelings. And though alot of the time people can hide behind brick walls and show no hurt or sadness against certain things it doesnt mean that the person isnt hurting.

When you tell someone you like them you would hope that the person that has been told would respect the persons feelings and try not to hurt them, but clearly not.

Yes I am a confident person and I do joke around but I am not a person to rub things in I am a better then that. I respect peoples feelings.

I bit my tongue, boy did I bite it. But alot of people know me well and know that I do not take shit from no one! I warn people once. The second time thats it.

But meh, I really dont care. I said how I felt, I said it plain as day. But really it didnt matter. Ive had enough lol. Im not even going to bother anymore. Guys shit me to tears lol

Well, I've been afraid of changin Cause I've built my life around you

Changes

How many times in ones life can a person change. Changes occur each day, we get older, we get smarter, we get happier, we get sadder. But not only do we change, the world around us changes as well, the world grows older, it grows weaker.

As we grow we tend to learn more and more each day. Ive gone from not knowing shit, to knowing more, Ive been through self hate, but have learnt to hold my composure through it all.

I was at one stage at the very bottom of my life. I did nothing but drink, take drugs, hide from many things, and most of all I wouldnt change.

If you go back to my pirie days I used to walk around in black I was heavily into witchcraft and spent most of my time stealing money, shop lifting and smoking dope. I still remember alot of things that happend but also try to block them out. I went from being an innocent 14 year old girl into a 15 year old rebel walking the streets at night. I often ask where did this change happen, and why did it happen. But I cant come up with those answers. I dont know what it was that snapped me out of that phase but it took quite a few years. I know I went through a change when I first moved to adelaide back in 2001, I joined a church, I didnt have sex for a year. And I was very much a very boring person. I did however fall in love with a guy, its no news whom it was, and then he died. And thats when things changed again, four people I knew died in two months instead of it opening my eyes and living each day like it matters, I turned to that old person and started sleeping around once again I ended up pregnant and things tamed down again.

I guess as you can see I changed dramatically within a short amount of time.

Today I see myself as a confident young woman that has some idea of what she wants out of life. A lot of the things that I want are quite well out of my reach. Like the cafe that I want to own and the farm with all the animals and antique furniture and wooden stove. Where I wont have to go out and work but live off of the farm that I long to have. Perferably in tassie where theres no shortage of rain and I can use the wooden fire :D
But its the last few days that I have noticed my confidence change. I know when I am sitting at home I dont hold myself with the confidence that I hold myself with outside these four walls or around friends.

To truely love someone you have to love yourself. And I do. No one can be truely perfect, the truely perfect person does not exist. There will always be something that you dislike about yourself or another person, it maybe something stupid like you dont like the way they eat there tea but its still an imperfection.
Im not perfect, but to myself I feel like I have gotten to that stage that I am happy with myself.

Im always here to help people, and lately I feel that I have been doing it a great deal. And it has given me satisfaction in my own life but also I have learnt a little about me. I am here to help people. ATM I am helping muffin man with his low self esteem and it maybe also what I should be doing with Kobay. But yesterday I was sitting here talking to bel and she needed help, and I went and helped her. Im absolutely fucked but it was worth it. I felt a certain satisfaction that I have not felt in a long time.

The changes I have gone through has made me a better person. Im satisfied and I havent been satisfied in a very long time.

So what would I change about myself at this present time?? Absolutely nothing.

Ok time to stop rambling................................ whats going on in my world apart from random jibberish...

1. Ive been helping muffin man. Wont say much about that its a job in progress and so far we are going well. I like to think that he does listen to the advice that I give him, I do try to understand him but yes he is weird and I still dont get him, but I still think hes great. He really doesnt take shit from me. And Im not used to that. Its teaching me patience. So in a way we are helping each other.

2 Bel was in trouble yesterday, she had to work and had no one to look after her kids, so I borrowed money off my granny and I put petrol in the car and drove an hour to woodcroft and I looked after her four kids plus mine. I do admit that I did have kobay there but he was basically a peice of the furniture :) I enjoyed having his company :D He is a great guy and hopefully soon he finds a nice chick well perhaps not BEFORE he goes over seas lol dont wanna leave her stranded here alone without him lol

3 Job interview on monday. Fingers crossed

4 my furniture will be here on the 13th august woohoo I will glad to get out of the same clothes very day :D

5 looking for a house to move into, walkerville area.

6 I have made a new friend with bel, and I really think it could be a great friendship. I enjoy chatting non stop with her and really had a great time chatting to her for like three hours on her back porch :D and that is not a suck up cos I know she reads this lol

7 Col, not alot to report lol we had a party up at her house the other night, the orgy one.... was great to get drunk. But the kiddies couldnt handle their booze and I was the last in bed with a bag of cc's reading madison lol

8 Mum and I kissed and made up.

9 Megan is giving me her old car, wooohooo


Ok I think thats enough.

Oh and I been downloading soooooo many songs lol

well guys

Quick update.

I will be out of this house after 3..

I will not have internet axs for a while, so I will try to update as often as possible or I will colleen to do it for me so you all know I am still alive and kicking.

Dont worry bout me I will be fine :D I always end up fine in the end...

Muffin man make sure ya keep in touch hey :D I have lots to teach you yet :D


*bushes herself down once more and walks on*

It was like a big big orgy

LOL well not quite, clothes were kept on but some nawdy stuff went down lol There was boobs invovled and whipped cream lol

Why is it that males seem to have a problem with me. Im sitting here Im minding my own business and simply told gary to turn his mouse off on his computer and he told me thats its best not to talk to him at all cos he is not happy with me.

And you know what my mother does. Sits there and watches. Now can people see why I am the way I am.

Im doin all I can. Ive cleaned Ive looked after dan as good as I can, I buy them food give them money when I can afford it. Nothing I ever do is good enough for them I left here in the first place on really bad terms with my mother and its because of him anyway

well Ive been kicked out. by my own mother!!!!!!!!

lol

Muffin man got me looking at my horoscopes on ninemsn lol and omg this is what tomorrows says for airies lol

July 18, 2006 The day ahead should be an opportunity for you to analyze the events of the past three weeks, Nicole! No doubt you'll draw many important conclusions about your love life. In the final analysis, you may conclude that matters have evolved little, if at all. This is discouraging, to be sure, but don't place too much trust in appearances. Remember, things are not always as they seem.

LOL weird

then I clicked Love scope to see what rubbish is on there lol

July 17, 2006 The current astral energy indicates that one relationship may take a surprising turn. Although you may have been wondering if there was any hope of getting to know this person better, you will now have no further need to speculate. One conversation may mean that you see a side of them that had previously remained hidden. You realize that you have much you could enjoyably do together.

Hmmm weird lol My life is funny.... :D

Well went and annoyed colleen today which was much much fun :D and going to get really drunk tomorrow and shoot peop I mean targets with her step brothers play gun.. Im soooo going to nick it. She wouldnt let me bring it home for the night :( I just wanted to shoot the dog with it. She is so no fun :D But I still wub her..

Well last nights spiel seemed to go on and on and on lol I reread it this morning and had no idea what the hell I was on about. But hey thats me in general.

Well I might go and get some cordial

Random Spiel

Think its time for a brain vent about the crap going on in my brain. As you can tell that first line made absolutely no sense at all.

Well it didnt take muffin man long to work out my one weapon that works for me...

Manipulation.

Dictionary dot coms meaning of manipulation:

ma·nip·u·la·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-npy-lshn)
n.

1. 1. The act or practice of manipulating.
   2. The state of being manipulated.
2. Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage.

I wouldnt say that my manipulation ways are in any means nasty. Im just used to getting the things I want.
Take yesterday for an example. Muffin man didnt want sex and I was cool with that, even though I was extremely horny I still wanted to have his company. I guess my brain often tricks myself into doin things, devil on one shoulder angel on the other but they seem to team up a little in the end. So I say to muffin man that I would like his company and that he comes over we can go for a walk, him having no idea where we were goin I have the devil on my shoulder being coniving. So we go to the park and it was cold so we snuggled I won :D my manipulative ways worked until he realised what I had done :D

Aww cant be manipulative anymore...

He tends to change so I have been told, but yet I have already seen some of these changes to me that means a challenge. Im good at working people out. And I love challenges.. Lets see if I can work him out and scare him :D

It really makes it exciting to think that this week he is one way and perhaps next week a different want. I absolutely think this could be fun.. I have already worked out certain things about his eyes, there are two different looks that I know of so far one has to wonder how many different looks there could possibly be :D

I like challengers and those that know me will know I get what I want, do I not?
Its all rather exciting I have a wonderful guy thats not after a relationship, just wants the good part which is fine by me cos Im obsessed with good parts and col kindly pointed out. shes trying the wyld for women and its working but she doesnt reckon I need any lol awww no fun col :(

What else to report. Ah had to talk to kyle the other day regarding a credit card statement for my insurance claim to show proof of owner ship of my tv. Even though it was over sms was kinda strange. But I didnt feel any pain or any love for him at all. I also looked at some of his pics the other day and no heart breaking feelings or anything.. DOES THAT MAKE ME CURED? I guess so, and I can say his name without a million swear words behind it lol
Makes ya feel good when ya finally realise that he didnt deserve me, ahhh feels good it really does

This past week has been fantastic Ive met a wonderful who is not after commitment, which is fine by me :D Not sure Im ready to jump into a relationship yet. Im happy to have a fuck buddy/casual relationship/friends with benefits. Means I get the benefits and not the crappy stuff. If that makes sense. Prolly not :D

I now know why people get addicted to sleeping pills. If you stop for a couple of days and take two its very trippy lol like now :D
Ah mum is talkin bout maddies fat belly, I have a roll that I have never had a roll there before omg too much sitting on comp drinking coffee sigh would hate to see how much i weigh atm. *shudders*

So the next few weeks Im organising my shit. granny is helping with my furniture *bless her soul* so I should be able to move into my own place within the next three weeks fingers crossed cos Im goin insane here.... bah


anyway time for bed, sleeping pills kicked in :D

OMG

Im happy but yet so sick lol

I need TLC and drugs lol lots and lots of drugs but no motivation to get off my arse to go get some.

Can blame muffin man for both things, cold and happiness.

I had a fantastic night and I won and got what I wanted :D Like always :P

Im going to take dan to see the over the hedge movie sometime. Anyone wanna come with let me know? It will prolly be during the week this week or next or early evening

Ok Im going to go die on the couch


aaaachhhhoooooo

ignore it

Please those of you that read last post ignore lol its gone :D

Well Ive had enough of the internet world. Im bored and tired and need something else to do... Could go for a walk I spose but that would mean getting dressed. Might have a shower to make myself all pwetty again.

Im tired cos dan woke me up at 5.30am lol bastard!

I need some friends that live this side of town. Im bored as I have said before.

Should I or shouldnt I go to church tomorrow. I have to watch the movies that I was spose to watch last night before I made an idiot of myself lol

Bah bored bored bored bored need excitement

For once

I can actually laugh about something horrible in my life lol

*Stands on chair* From this moment forward I will not cry or hide in a dark corner when something goes wrong in my life, I will laugh and cheer because this is what my life is about, and its been like this since January 2001 while standing in glenorchy having a panic attack. Its time to stand up brush myself off and keep on walking. Because unlike other people I HAVE been through a lot and I HAVE come out of it all a better person. And I will continue to do so. I can continue to help others as I walk like I have done so in the past, I can be the love doctor that everyone thinks I am cos yes I have had enough relationships to know what's right and what's wrong.

I will no longer lie or hide behind a person I am not. I will go back to the old out going Nic that I used to be where I used to wake up ready to take on the day. I will be there for my friends and I will lean on them when I need to. I will also ask for help instead of hiding behind this stubborn face thinking I can take on the world by myself. I will communicate to people instead of keeping it inside and bursting out with it all on my blog. COMMUNICATION is the key, Honesty is the key hole and life is the door to this strange and wonderful world. Learn from my mistakes and conquer all obstacles thrown my way with a smile upon my face.

Learn to cherish what I have, learn to love my friends and family with a deeper meaning. Live this life like it is spose to be lived and loved. No more hiding behind the tears that was my past. And learn to love myself for whom I am.

Ok so why have I suddenly changed my tune. Well lol my tv, fridge, washing machine have been stolen from my house in Newcastle. I have to thank this person cos its made my life a whole lot easier and I do have insurance thank god! But hey this is not suprising in my life hey :D

Its dans bday, three, at exactly this time three years ago I had been in labor for 37 hours lol and was off my face on the gas. Today I have the spawn of satan that has watched shrek two times today lol And has bugged me so many times for his bday cake.

My mum and gary met muffin man last night. :D I had to bribe him *rolls eyes* typical male :P

Anyway its prolly time I get off my buttox and cook this cake so its ready for when Col arrives after work :D

Oh almost forgot ---- > New link Jelqye has also joined the blogging world. I should be getting paid for all my friends that start one ;) Hint hint!

Im definately going to win

Im not sure what Im trying to win lol but I guess I will know what it is when I win or lose :P
Im sure muffin man (code name) will kindly point it out for me at some stage.

So spent most of last night with muffin man. And since muffin man reads my blog I dont wanna write too much in case he does not agree with me putting it on here.

But I had a fantastic night and I think he is really wonderful. Hes definately unlike any guy I have met. He's definately a sweety. (Bet ya hes blushing reading this :P) Oh oh oh he has a water bed *drools* And I cant wait to see the hugh hefner look ;)

Well Ive taken my drugs and you know what that means :P usually I type long arse pointless blogs lol

Those of you what are confused about me publishing to the world that Im takin drugs, theyre actually sleeping pills lol Nothing too serious, very addictive yes. But I havent had any for a while and thought I need an early night and would like to sleep through the snoring in this house....

Theres not alot to report lol Ive been caught in a whirl wind of meeting someone new. And thats really all there is to report on. So much I can write on this subject but I dont think the world needs to know :P

Lets just say I havent felt this happy in a very long time. And I dont wanna fuck things up. After my track record anyway.
Hes a really nice, and I like him no doubt about it. he has gorgeous eyes that make me melt... hmmm should stop now lol

Ok I have added a new link ---> over there, Neesy has joined the world of blogging.... yay...

Anyway I think its time to go cos my eyes are rolling into the back of my head lol

Sigh, I need my own place lol

*happy sigh*

Just had the most fantastic day/night



Ps: Left mum a suprise in the car ;)

*does happy dance*

For once I actually feel happy. Perhaps its cos Ive had a good break from dan, but could be because I got to interact with wonderful people.

Last night I caught up with a few people from amm... And even my ex next door neighbour danny... which was quite a suprise.

But I also met some wonderful people as well. Which is awesome considering I dont get out often. Hopefully will keep in contact....

Colleen bailed, which is prolly a good thing :P Will have to catch her up on that later... It is a small world thats for sure..

I decided today that I didnt want to sit through the entire church service, but I got there when the boring part was happening. Of course the minister was preaching on something. I dont believe preaching is an important part in a religion. You could get two ministers to read a verse, chapter whatever and tell them they have to preach on the topic. Both ministers would have entirely different answer to that verse. So really whats the point and which one to believe?
I dont think I have truely listened to ministers preaching. I do enjoy listening to other peoples stories of walking with god (if there is one). Some of the stories I have heard are rather exciting, others not so exciting.

Anyway I am cold and could use a shower seeing as I have panda eyes at this present time. And god knows what dan is doing with a chair and dog chain :D

ciao

Howdy ho

To your right of the screen I have posted a NEW link (yessum you should be sick of them by now, Im getting good with this html crap) Any who its for the BESTEST BLOG IN THE WORLD...

I love the word bestest hehehehe

Make sure you check it out. It is interesting to read. Or if your bored just go and read it for something to do :D


Oh and I got over my grumpy mood :D

Alchy is my hero MWA

Things start looking up

Then it fucken crashes at your feet!

I have $-123 in my bank cos iinet came out and then anz fuckers took out a honour fee.

Centrelink wont pay the advance payment till the 18th july. Cunts

And then ya have ya fathers fucken girlfriend asking for her $800 and she doesnt care you have no money yourself!

To top it off, gym money will be coming out of your already - bank account. so -$19 and then another $35 cos of your honour fee.

I fucken hate money. And hate those who have it! Its not that I cant save and its not that the government isnt paying me enough. Its all this shit that I have been put through and people keep taking my fucken money when I have it. I am so glad that dan is toilet trained or we would be serious fucked with buying nappies. But I cant afford to buy him a bday present, which hurts.

im not going out tomorrow night, cos I cant afford to drive dan down to matt and megans and then pick him up on sunday. petrol prices are rediculous. Let alone pay the entry fee at the ark.

AND idiot me drove past where kyle and I had our first frisbee date!

Im fed up. I cant win. I admit defeat. Hey why doesnt everyone walk on my back while Im down. hey and pinch my 5 cents I might have.

FUCCK YOU ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Sigh

My head is killing me, and has been since 11am :( Ive taken so much panadol with the end result being absolutely fuck all.

I had a job interview today for a accounting firm on greenhill road. It was pretty informal because the lady from the agency wanted to meet at a cafe hehehehe. But it went well. And my resume will be put forward to her client. woohoo fingers crossed...

I have still been having a shit nights sleep. so I rearranged our room today to see what happends.

Saturday night I am going to the ark. Woohoo. It is an amm meet, but Im mainly going because alchy is dragging me. And it will be good to meet belinda. And col said she would come along as well. yay!

All this shit that keeps happening on BB is boring me to tears. I say FUCK IT OFF! But not because of the two boys handing out turkey slaps ( Hey Ive had my fair share lol, well I didnt know what they were 2.5 years ago, but I was shown ;) but because the show is down right stupid. Sure the first two times were great. And I will admit that I myself wanted to go onto the show. But pffft they are all fucked in the head if you ask me. So get rid of it, or bring back the adults only ;)

Im addicted to an online game, marbles. I need to find something to stimulate the brain. I was going to write a blog on banshees, but upon reading about them, its rather quite boring lol stupid irish screaming fairies....

Daniel is talkin non stop. Whole conversations about shit lol its rather entertaining on some levels.

One thing I hate about adelaide is that everything is rather spaced out. It took me an hour to get to glen osmond, the traffic was rediculous and people have no idea how to merge into traffic, shits me to tears. AND then you have the brake hungry people. sheesh....

Well I dont really have anything to say, and Im terribly dribbling shit atm.

oh I did hear from darren, I got a sms at 1.30am today so I gave him a call at a reasonable hour asking him what he wanted. I obviously hadnt told him I was in adelaide lol. Anyway turns out he was in newcastle. sigh. He was rather concerned about everything that happend. Which I thought was really nice....

Anyway, now Im bored. Might go and drop two sleeping pills :D

NOITE

Oh forgot something. Id like to say a big hi to all the international people looking at my site, hope it doesnt bore you too much... And missy (you'll know who you are) with optusnet in flemington lol its not fair that you can see mine but I cant see yours ;) hehe but whatever floats your boat :D *waves*

3 hours of hard work

To the right of your screen you will notice a new link..

This link is of my old blog. It has been edited. A lot of things cut out because they didnt need to be there.

Took me a long time but hey it needed to be done :P

Not much to report. except that I am extremely hungry :D

Its a small world afterall

Something really weird has been happening.. Apart from msn playing tricks on me.

Last night I had the shittest nights sleep. I kept waking and bolting upright in bed and look at the left far corner of the room. It was a little freaky. Mum said also that the dog left her bed and ended up sleeping in the lounge room which she never ever does. Spooks? Who knows...

Also I had a vision. Very weird. The other week I had a dream about kyle and an orange unit with a glass balcony. Well today it flashed infront of my eyes. Perhaps my psychic ability is kicking in again before my eyes lol.... dunno. (If you dont believe in this shit, please dont comment on it, as I do believe in it and that is my choice. You dont like it, the piss off)

Ok the small world part. Actually had a chat to gary tonight (mums bf) about when he was living in hobart. He used to work at kmart tyre and auto (and Tanya is going to laugh her pants off with this one) He had an apprentice who was building a ford cortina for speedway, those of you that know my past may have already guessed whom this apprentice is.. Those of you who dont. He was my ex, Joseph. Which means I prolly met gary when I went to visit joe at work lol. And my mother had possibly seen gary 6 years ago, Does this mean they her and gary are meant to be? I believe so! lol funny. But gary might try to get in contact with Joseph for me... awwwww

Went to the lawyers today. Something about me applying for sole residency here in adelaide so that ty cant force me back to nsw. I dunno mum was listening...

Also I can get housing trust to help with my bond. phew.

Just need some moolah to get my stuff down here :(

Well I must be off. Im off my nuts and the screen is looking kinda weird (gotta love sleeping pills hey)

Ciao

something boring for ya all to read

Read my answers then copy n paste Ur own n send it 2 all Ur mates ok!!



1. HOW DID U GET 1 OF UR SCARS?

Jumped a wire fence and cut my leg on some wire sticking out


2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Umm I dont have a room atm :(



3.WHAT KIND OF CELL PHONE DO YOU HAVE?

A nokia



4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?

Everything bar trancy shit and country oooh and operah



5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

dunno lemme ask mum 8.06am



6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

a coffee and warmth



7. WHO DO YOU MISS?

Kyle :(


8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
My son



9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Errr dont really have one

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

Nope



11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?

Lol only when looking at stupid ghost pics :P



13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?

Ummm used to like graphite



14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Dunno



15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?

Dunno but it better be somewhere fucken nice


16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?

Coffee t home energy drinks before a night out



17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?

Bbq chicken



18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Pretzel


19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

Kyle


20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

jibberish?



21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
backstreet boys cd



22. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

In what way. ooooh yeah in lots of ways



23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?

Nope



24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?

Cheap cheap cheap



25. WHAT`S YOUR DREAM CAR?

RX8 I will win that scratchy some day



27. WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR DREAMS?

To own a cafe


30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO HUNDRED:

7



31. WHO IS BETTER? BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?

Blondes :P



32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?

Err prolly my mums when I was in nsw



33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Liars!

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR HOME STATE?

God yes



35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?

Smoking


36. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?

not sure



37. FIRST JOB?

Xmas card seller



38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

Hehehe yeah



39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?

Reading it



41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

Cos Im procastinating filling out these forms to get sole custody of dan


42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

Smile



43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

Well I guess I would be breaking the law



44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Happiness


45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Ones enough



46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
A street sign



47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?

Yerp the first star I see of the night



48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Pointer, cos I pick my teeth with it


49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

Been a while actually, YAY... umm a week ago



50. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Silverside



52. ANY BAD HABITS?

Smoking,



53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?

Lol backstreet boys, but its in a box lol waiting to come here



54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Prolly not, I have turned really evil



55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?

Yeah, not proud of it either



56. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Yes


57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

Take it out on people I love :(



58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?

I dont even have a home lol



59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

I used to, but Ive come to learn not to now, been hurt too often



60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

Dont think I had one



61. WHAT ARE THE FIRST THREE NUMBERS IN YOUR CELL PHONE:

040





63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

All the time



64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?

Yes



65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Just looking for a girl would be nice ;)



66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Nic, knickers, oi



68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have a pair of shoes that havent been undone in prolly three years... I love em



70. WHAT`S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?

I dont like ice cream



71.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT CALLED YOU?

Some lady about an interview



72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?

Purple and black


73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
3


74. WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?

My friendship with kyle that I had once



75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Sure do, I got nothing else to do :D apart from lose marbles



76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Mum screwing something up, paper I think

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?

Toast with vegemite and cream cheese



78. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW

As much as possible, its fucken freezing here



79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Smile



80. FAVORITE BAND?

Wiggles



81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:

Cold



82. FAVORITE DRINK?

Mocha



83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:

aries



84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?

Ugh



85.WHATS YOUR HAIR COLOR?

Blonde

86. EYE COLOR?

Blue



87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?

Sometimes



88. SIBLINGS?

1 brother and one sister



89. FAVORITE MONTH(S)?

July (tax time :P)



90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?

Yummy, wish I had some right now



91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?

Wiggles



92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

Dont have one



93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

Yerp



94. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer by far


95. KISSES OR HUGS?

Both!



96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?

One night stands



97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Ummm maybe jodi



98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Everyone else



99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?

Spose to be reading super nanny book, but its still in newcastle



100. WAT IS THE TIME RIGHT NOW?

12.29pm

yay something exciting to talk about

I finally spoke to ash on the phone. yippeeeee... even if it was at 2.30am lol.

Shes great. Told her we will have to catch up if I go back to newy for court....

She sounds exactly how she looks.... HOT!

ive decided

From now on if any bad shit happens to me, Im just going to laugh. I mean my life is just one big theme park and people are usually happy and laughing at theme parks. So laughing is my medicine. I mean wtf could happen to me next... Prolly a tax bungle lol touch wood....

Today daniel said the most funniest thing. Hes inside my new sleeping bag (My blankets wouldnt fit in my suitcase so bought one at golo at west lakes) anyway hes nude and inside my sleeping bag on the floor and he says "Im pretty mum" And Im like yeah? and he goes, mums pretty, kyles pretty (dunno where that came from but he is being mentioned quite alot lately, but it doesnt worry me one bit (suprisingly) nannas pretty, garys a dog... Cracked me up! Guess you had to be there.

Tomorrow, guess what.. IM GOING TO CHURCH I hear alot of OMFG'S out there.. yessum I have to catch up with my old friends, even if it means sitting through a boring sermon that really doesnt mean a great deal to me. But I love my friends and I have really missed them all.

Must admit that my last post was fucken huge.... Oh I mean the one BEFORE the last. hahah oh well.

Well havent done a lot really. Addicted to playing bingo, and marbles online... Gotta go for more jobs, will do that tomorrow :) or maybe monday.

Im grateful for mum, she has been such a great help with dan. she even let me sleep all arvo after my job interview yesterday. which was great.

ummm what else... Its been raining. I come here and mum complains there has been hardly any rain, I guess I bought the weather with me, pity its not the 18 degree weather instead of the rain...

Oh did my tests at the agency yesterday.. 43 WPM with 98% accuracy, pretty proud with that.. Numerical was 90 pm with 98% accuracy microsoft word :D Im now classed as advanced, YOU BEAUTY! Excel I still suck in, but Im used to using shortcuts and your not allowed to in the testing. So still classed as basic in that :( will have to practise some more.

Im really glad they dont have one with spelling. Guess I would be fucked lol be a bit hard anyway unless someone sat there and read the words out to me lol No I must admit I am ok with my spelling (definately better then my mother) but shocking on my gammar. pffft! This is just a blog so who cares...

Rang dimi to let her know I was here, the bugger is in melbourne wedding dress shopping :P lucky bitch...

Anyway I been looking at some weird sites about supernatural. most of its shit. But this one I find amusing because they are all fake *insert eye rolling smiley* http://ufocasebook.com/bestufopictures.html

Anyway Im off my face with s leeping pills, took 1.5 today cos 1 just never kicks in lol...

Nighty night