Ahhh Tafe

How I hate you! And what a boring subject. Alternators dragged out over two days..... We have been sitting on our arses practically doing nothing! Yawn. Not to mention my phone battery went flat so I couldnt stay on facebook lol... How it killed me!!!! Even the lecturer said that this subject only needs to be one day or one and a half at the most.. They torment me I swear to god!

Thank god I finish all my tafe subjects this month!! Thats it forever! Its rather exciting.... One year and ten months to go till Im qualified! Its dragging on... UGH

Im down to 69kg's eeek. 4 more and Im at my ideal weight according to the docs... So its a little scary! And Im losing it all pretty quickly. Which cant be healthy. All part of the symptoms of pancreatitis and the diet from hell!

Kristen Stewart and Taylor and Lautner are in Australia... Pity its only sydney!!!! DAMN YOU SYDNEY!!!! Kristen is the greatest.. Love her to bits :P

The hype about this pic is hilarious! Get over it LOL...

This friday is my hospital visit. They rang me today to let me know I need to be there at 7.15am! What a way to cause more stress that I dont need. Because I was having a heart attack working out how to get dan to school! Looks like I will be sitting around the hospital til my ride arrives for a few friggen hours... :-( And now of course Im starting to freak out about it... Really dont wanna be doing it....

Not much to say really. Dan is treading a thin line but thats about all....

Laters

A HOY HOY

Im a big paramore fan (long before twilight) and Hayley Williams has a song out with B.O.B called airplanes!!! LOVE IT!!!

here Is the youtube vid....

Got studio2000 pics done yesterday... Dunno if I will buy them though. Id really like to :P here is my hair and make up

Fake smiling is NOT attractive... But its nice to feel partly female for a change lol

Well thats it. Its pissing down and its cold (just how I like it.... not)

ciao

And the next day....

Pain!

Ahh crap!!!

Well lets not go there actually!! It amazes me just how much my diet has to change. Yesterday I had a sausage roll (I was bloody hungry so sue me), half a ham and cheese roll, some 2 min noodles and 2 fat free choc muffins... So which one has upset my stomach. The pain today is there its not too bad but it hurts :-( not to mention it has upset my stomach and I fear bending... sigh... Its all rather frustrating this trial and error.

In 3 weeks Im off to hospital so they can shove a camera down my throat to be 100% sure its pancreatitis. Now let me tell you just how fucken hard life is in adelaide:

I have no one to take me to the hospital... Which is rather scary and I have to taxi it in there. My fear is I will hit north adelaide change my mind and hang out in the city all day :-S

To get someone to pick me up from the hospital was a headfuck. The boss wouldnt let kyle take the day off to help (he doesnt want us back together its the only theory I got). So my poor friend steph finishes work at 1.30 I had to ring the hospital to make sure I can be discharged at 2 so she can pick me up. Then who knows whats happening between school pick up and kyle finishing work. And Dan is going to Stephs for the night.

Apparently Im not meant to be left alone until the next day (GREAT, its very reassuring) and Im not allowed to make any big decisions. So no marriage proposals or mortgage signings that day!

Have I really lost all my close friends? Obviously! Other then Kyle and Steph and occasionally Colleen there is really no one in my life that I would call close. Very disheartening!

This wouldnt be a problem in Bundaberg.....

The more I try to say its not the best decision, I am sorry to say its the best decision. Out of all the pros and cons there are only two reasons to stay in Adelaide. One being the big one, my job. The other one isnt up to me and thats kyle. Oh and money but going through my budget was the best decision I had made last year, so money wont be such a big problem.

Dan went to stay with a church friend over the weekend so I can have a break. I havent had a decent break since 2005ish when I would go to Sydney for a few days and leave dan here. On sunday when I picked him up it felt like I never got the break. The tension headache returned pretty quickly and we spent most of the afternoon arguing as usual.... sigh.. I hate to see what his teenage years will bring! Not to mention the food he will consume compared to what he already consumes now.

Life is very up and down. I would love a normal stress free life but unfortunately I dont see that happening till Im about 60!

its been such a long time!

So much so that I had forgotten my password and log in... Silly me!

So whats been happening??? Where the hell do I start!!

Work, its goin well. Im finally trying to put in a lot of effort. Or more to the point I have become more confident in what I am doin. Sometimes it doesnt help that when I ask kyle for help he will just take over the job so I find myself asking him less and less (no offence to him at all). I turned 3rd year in March, 2 years to go with only two more weeks of tafe and Im done. However it would seem that I am about to sacrifice all that hard work, which leads me to the next part....

Dan, dan is out of control. At school and at home and I am about to lose it. I have tried many things and have had discussion with the school. The doc has sent a referral to a child psychologist and a specialist on ADHD. But the waiting lists are huge, so in the meantime I am sitting here pulling my hair out wondering what the hell to do! I think my only option is to move. So I am moving to Bundaberg to have the support of my family.

This means that I may have to sacrifice my job. 2.5 years of hard work may just be going down the drain just because of my son. And I am not sure I want to do that. Dan means a lot to me but this job makes me happy (though it doesnt seem like it at times). So I am getting enough courage to email Bundaberg Honda to ask for a transfer. So whats the hold up?

Im scared they are going to give me a job and then I have no choice but to go. And that means no kyle. My best friend, and a guy I love deeply. The relationship that we have (which is extremely hard to explain since we arent together) is complicated. He is my life support, hes the person I turn to when I need a hug or just a laugh. He understands me for who I am. I still dont think he understands how much he means to me, but Id like to think that I mean the same to him.

Its such a hard decision to make. And I want to make the right choice. I dont want to look back in six months and regret it all (like when I moved to sydney). Not that it is the same. Im not running to love I will be running away from it. You dont find love like this everyday....

So me, I have been diagnosed with Pancreatitis. One binge session on Christmas day has basically changed my entire life. Going by the symptoms I have chronic pancreatitis (the doc will confirm this next month by shoving a camera down my throat). So Im never allowed to drink again. For a 26yo who rarely drinks but likes to have one every now and then (like one beer every friday after work with the boys) this has killed me. Not to mention the fat free diet I am on. The pain has lessened since starting the diet, but I am constantly hungry because the food sucks! Living basically a vegetarian diet is shit! I have to learn new ways to cook I have to pack a lunch everyday otherwise I starve. And the fact that barnacle bills is right next door to work is killing me! But I can not fail, unfortunately. Its not a diet I can just go meh and give up... pfft....

Other then that life just keeps passing by. I just keep existing.

One exciting thing though!!! Eclipse is out soon *happy dance*. Ive already paid for my midnight screening tickets :P yes I know Im very sad!

xox