I got bored last night LOL

Random bullshit.

So a little about what I am going through (from a website):

Feeling like you're coming down with the flu lately? If you've recently discontinued an antidepressant you might actually be going through withdrawal. Many people who discontinue their antidepressant abruptly will experience what's called a "discontinuation syndrome". They may experience fatigue, nausea, myalgia, insomnia, anxiety, agitation, dizziness, hallucinations, blurred vision, irritability, tingling sensations, vivid dreams, sweating or electric shock sensations. Some will experience only minor symptoms and miss the connection with their antidepressant thinking that perhaps they have the flu. For others, the symptoms are so debilitating that they feel they cannot stop their antidepressant for fear of how it will interfere with their lives.

The best advice for those who are planning to discontinue their antidepressant is to seek their doctor's approval and advice. When you stop your antidepressant you not only run the risk of withdrawal, but also a possible return of your symptoms. If your doctor has given you the green light to stop, discuss how you should proceed in gradually decreasing your dosage. By gradually decreasing your dose over time you will allow your body time to slowly adjust as the medication leaves your body. It is recommended that you consult your doctor for a specific schedule for discontinuing your antidepressant.

And thats exactly what I am doing, my doctor knows and approves of what I am doing. All up it will take me about a month to get entirely off of them and could quite possibly experience the withdrawal forever (as many people still do) which is really disappointing.

It really makes me think whether going to Sydney was really worth it in the end because even to this day I am still dealing with it. Really its bullshit. Three years of antidepressants because of one wanker. Makes you realize that love isnt worth shit! Not worth the pain or the effort.

Talking about that one wanker, he is getting married. It is really frustrating to know that he is blissfully happy and still I am the one that is going through hell because of the things he did. How is this fair? I keep wondering about that over the last few days.

Also been thinking about my relationship with dreamboy. His mother doesnt know about Dan, Kyle keeps saying that when she finds out that it will be the end of our relationship. I think I have finally clicked that it means this relationship is going to go no where. That there will be no happy ending, cos the reality is she is going to find out. I dont live too far from them and its a matter of time til I run into her at the shops with Dan or Kyle accidentally slips up and says something. I really like kyle, he can be a great guy. But clearly isnt the guy for me. So what do I do? Do I just continue along because it is a lot of fun, or do I walk away? It is sad to think about, but it does need to be thought about. And I guess it should be discussed.

I am very paranoid at the moment, and find it very hard to go to sleep and if I wake up during the night, have a hard time going back to sleep. I have to close every door in the house to keep myself sane. Its really quite annoying!

Anyway I think I have said what I wanted to for now, Id expect that I will be on here quite a bit while I am going through these things.

Also its three weeks tomorrow that I have not been smoking!!!!

ahh life is grand

Dont mind me Im a little emotional at this present time! Im currently weaning myself off of my anti depressants. Easier said then done. If I could give any advice it would be this, if a doctor gives you Effexor Id strongly think about it first. Like colleen and I have both said if we knew the side effects of coming off these tablets would be this bad then we wouldnt of taken them in the first place.
So apart from emotional Im also blacking out in short spurts, I cant concerntrate properly, very erritable and very snappy cant sleep properly etc etc, dont believe me google it and see what other people have said!

Other then that Im also quitting smoking, its been one week since I stopped and let me tell you. Its fucken easy... Champix is what I am taking to help me and oh my god I highly reccommend them. I have no cravings and I can sit around smokers while they smoke and it doesnt bother me one bit. Its a different brand to ziaban. The only thing I dislike about them is that they give me nausea for about ten mins when I take them, and I drink ALOT of water, which really is no big deal!

So quitting smoking and getting rid of the meds, but shock horror Im also exercising LOL. Three times a week Kellie and I walk up amnesty hill with Chelsea and Daniel. I love it! I even walked to Arndale from Tafe today in 37 degree heat, makes me feel awesome! Oh and Im eating well! No more then 5500 kj a day! No ice coffee, no coffee, and health food galore. Dans not liking it one bit cos it means veggies but he will learn to deal. Though I did get pizza for tea (Its hot in my kitchen) and I only had a few bits anyway.

Things at work arent going to well, I had to write a letter to the boss threatening to go to the higher boss. If nothing is done then I go higher if nothing is done again then its going to be forwarded to the apprenticeship board to deal with.

Dan loves his new Vacation care, and I kinda wish I was going there at times, today they went to the semaphore waterslide and last week went ice skating and someone is teaching them belly dancing tomorrow!!!

Im back to blonde after being red, then black. Well its kinda blonde lol.

Cant wait to go to QLD and please someone remind me to take the wii and singstar or mum will kill me LOL.

I really dont think there is much else to say really, I think Im going to go sleep these withdrawals away and take half a capsule tomorrow (yes capsule, I feel like a druggy trying to seperate them lol).

So yeah Im changing and I love it! Everything is awesome in my little world!!!!

Awesome song!!!

Will post a blog soonish LOL

Need a whinge

I knew being a female apprentice in a male dominated workforce was going to be difficult but this is becoming one big joke. Im tired of the way I am being treated. Most of the time I grin and bear it but I do wonder sometimes if they are over stepping the line in a lot of areas,

Who cares if they are joking really because its not making my job any easier or very pleasant. Quite frankly Im hating my job. To look back twelve months ago and think about how hard I worked to get this job and how excited I was to now where I can not really be bothered going to work and I want the next three years to fly.

I can deal with the taunts and the jokes, thats fine. But to be told Im not driving a certain car (joking or not) because Im a girl is beyond a joke. To be told to stick my smoke out and do something else and the other boys dont get told is just pathetic. To made to clean cars continuously when there are other apprentices is annoying and not being allowed to work on cars on my own is just down right frustrating. Im not learning anything, Im bored shitless! Im sick and tired of the way the place is run and sick of the way Im treated.
What shits me is a service should be carried out exactly the same between each technician. However each person does it differently. 1 only tightens subframe bolts on the first service 1 one does it only on majors and the rest do it every ten, 1 only blows out the air filter every 20k the rest every ten, only 3 of them rotate and balance on 5k services, only 2 grease drum brakes on majors the rest dont do it at all, 3 clean the glue off from the last stickers, 1 person tests the batteries every service, both cleaners throw everything on the seats on the floor and leave the mirrors askew. And to have any type of opinion or complaint in that place is out of the question.

And so my back hurts, it only seems to hurt when I have to clean cars for days on end. Granted I twist it the wrong way on monday night but it was fine on tuesday morning. So now I can hardly move. I can hardly cough and I cant laugh.

Anyway Im going to bed. My back is killing me. And Im tired.

What a great start to the new year!